Category: Erasmus

Un-proof read.

FlynnLeave a comment

GAAAAAAHHHHHHHH . UNINSPIRED. I don’t know how many times I’ve wrote this. 5? 6? 1000?

I just can’t seem to get into a post. I write about 300 words and then look back at it like – Naaaaah. This isn’t any good. DRAFT. I guess I just need to get over that hump.

So here goes nothing. No deleting, I’m posting this regardless of how awful and illogical it is. I’m forcing myself to stay in this tab for the next 20? minutes. This will likely read more like a stream of consciousness rather than a conducive piece, I’m ok with that.

Sooo, I’m sat in this little coffee shop, the same one I’ve been almost everyday for the last week? I like it here, well, usually. Today it’s full of load youths, similar to a Starbucks at 4 when school lets out. Except it’s just after lunch time, WHY AREN’T YOU IN SCHOOL? I found a little bagel shop today, best bagel I’ve ever had. Only €2.90! Not baaaaaad. The guy behind the counter was as I’ve found a lot of French people, less than enthused by my attempts to speak French. Almost immediately he shouted for another member of staff. Why? I don’t know, I ordered the entire thing in 1 simple French sentence. I said the exact same thing when his associate came, and he then took my order with no problem. Why she needed to be there for him to just listen, I don’t quite know, but hey-ho. It’s quite disheartening to have this happen so often, I feel like I’m getting better bit by bit, but with each experience like this it knocks me down a bit further. I’ve found VERY few French people who are willing to try. Something I grew very used to with speaking Spanish. Spaniards seem much more open to help you try and improve, they seem happy to see you putting in effort. The French, not so much. I don’t want to generalise though, I’m sure there are people who want to help. I’ve just yet to meet them. It doesn’t really help that my French classes haven’t been great here. The one French class I actually went to back in Sheffield was infinitely more useful than what I’m doing right now. On Tuesday we “learned” how to buy things.. Y’know, because I’ve been here 2 months and not done an ounce of food shopping. I brought 6 months worth of food with me, just incase I didn’t learn how to shop. 1 class I’m learning the subjunctive, another I’m “learning” colours. Like most things here, it’s just not very cohesive. Much like this post.

Uninspired. I’m looking for that moment when life become bright again. Where I’m focused and not forcing myself into a positive outlook. But until then forcing myself into doing things is the way it’s going. I’m making myself leave my bedroom, even if it is to just do the same things but in a different environment. Maybe that’s the problem, instead of just living and falling upon that moment naturally, I’m going out of my way to try and make it happen. Slipping again.

I won’t end this on a negative note though. The weather has been getting a lot better of late here, that usually cheers me up. I’m a better version of myself when the suns out.

In 2 weeks and 3 days I’m having a roast dinner. I. CAN’T. WAIT. Oh… And I’m seeing my family.

England awaits.

À bientôt,
Flynn

Controlled Chaos.

FlynnLeave a comment

I won’t lie, I’ve been bored lately. Some people will try and make out that Erasmus is all sunshine and rainbows, it’s not. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had a lot of great laughs this past month. But this isn’t some fantasy world just like at home or anywhere else, you can get a bit lost from time to time.

I think I know why I’ve felt like this though, it’s not that I’ve not had anything to do.. There’s always things to do. But for so long I’ve had an achievable short term goal; finish assignments, plan lessons, work in Spain, etc… Now I’m lacking that. I’m not overly busy, suffocating under my workload. Nor do I have a real target to work for- obviously fluency, but that’s a more lucid goal. So I’ve been kind of just coasting, seeing what happens. I don’t really like that. 

It’s time to break that spell. 

For some bizarre reason, even though term only started 3 weeks ago, I have a week off. Thanks France! So I’m off to explore some of Europe. Paris, Berlin, and Brussels. I “planned” everything very last minute. By last minute I mean I’m sat waiting for the bus with the worst wifi known to man, looking up how to get from Paris Maillot Bus station into Paris city centre. Yeah. As much as I claim to crave routine, I detest planning. There’s something I just don’t like about scheduling every step of a journey weeks before I’ve set off – it’s wrong. How do I know I want to see the Louvre 3 o’clock next Tuesday, I might be hungry then!? Nope, planning trips is not for me.

People, such as my mum (thank god she’ll never read this, I think she’d have a heart attack with worry!), seem to think it’s bizarre that I’m more than happy to travel by myself with little to no thought about how/where/when I’m doing things. There’s something that relaxes me about it though… People seem to have a fear of “what if I get lost?” “What if this happens…” “What if that happens…” What if you do? But what if you stumble across something awesome you otherwise wouldn’t have? Getting lost in big cities is amazing, but it’s all about your perspective. If you spend all of your time face down in a map, not looking at the world around you, you’ll be pissed when you end up down a dead end street.

To me, it’s the little things that make the trip special, I can find better photos on google than I’m going to take. But they can’t tell me how it feels to be there in that moment, the vibe, the smells, the sounds. They’re what matter to me. I couldn’t tell you what sights I’m going to see in Berlin, I barely know what’s there. As for Brussels, the only thing I know is that they have good chocolate. The discovery is part of the adventure.

At 6:30 I woke up on 4 hours sleep hating the world. 7:25 I got on the bus to a lonely bus driver blaring Eye of the tiger out of his radio, I smiled. My mood switched. At 8:05 I sat in the the bus station and realised I’ve forgotten my phone charger. Alls I could do was laugh at myself. Moron. Just as daily life has its ups and downs, this journey will too. Life isn’t flawless like Instagram will have you believe, and that’s absolutely perfect with me.

À bientôt, 

Flynn! X

In Angers, But Not Angry.

FlynnLeave a comment

I’ve rewritten this entire post maybe 3 times? Initially, it was supppeeeeer pissy, it was whiny, it was negative. The second time it was a little more constructive, a little less whiny, but negative nonetheless. So, let’s see how this one goes. Hopefully, another step in the right direction.

Hey! So, my first few days in Angers… Where do I even begin. I could tell you the story of my eventful days travelling to Paris, and then eventually to Angers. But we’ll save that for some other time. I could complain and moan about how outrageously disorganised the whole set up here is.. But I won’t. I’m genuinely feeling positive about my next 5/6 months here. Am I still horribly anxious? Of course I am! The first French person I spoke to replied to me in English immediately. The second, I didn’t understand what they were talking about. It’s fair to say it hasn’t been such a great start. But I knew that this was what it was going to be like. I knew I was going to be confused, and that’s ok. As long as by the end of it all I’m not so confused. If by the end of it my French has got even marginally better, it’s been worth it. Of course I want to come on in leaps and bounds, but hey, let’s walk before we can run!

It’s scary, but it’s nice to feel challenged. It’s nice to feel like I’m working towards something. As it was with teaching, it’s something I’m going to have to face and overcome. Am I dreading almost every encounter I have with French people? Yes. Am I going to fuck up over and over again before I get anywhere? Of course I am. Did I avoid going into the kitchen to make food because a big group of French students were in there? Regrettably so, because right now writing this at 3am I’m absolutely frickin’ starving! These are just things I’m going to have to face, I know I’ll get there eventually.

Anyway! Angers. Like any mild-mannered Brit, the weather is a hot topic for me. The weather has been awful. However that has yet to dampen my spirits in the same manner it has with my jeans,shoes, and socks. I actually think I’m going to quite like it here. It’s a pretty small city, it seems pretty chilled out, I think it’s going to suit me. Maybe there’s not as much going on as there is in Liverpool, or even Sheffield. But that’s not to say I’m going to sit in my room and be bored and lonely until I leave, hell no. I like that by changing my “home*” I get to re-explore(?) and rediscover the place where I live. That’s probably why I like travelling so much, I get bored of the same places. I like to find new ones, where I can do exactly the same thing but differently. Am I going to find a flat white better than the one at Tamper? I doubt it. Will I find somewhere a more chilled spot than Parque Grande in the middle of Summer? Maybe not. But what will I find instead? I’ve already bested the best pastries I’ve ever eaten in England and I’ve yet to visit a proper French bakery. Who knows what’s in store for me as the semester goes on… Alls I know is I’m excited for what’s to come.

Tomorrow is Friday, here’s my plan. Now I’ve learnt how to select my modules I’ll hopefully go to my first class. I’m going to go to the library, get myself a French grammar book. I’m going to a book store to buy my favourite book in French to get a new perspective on things – L’alchimiste de Paulo Coelho. French studying hard begins tomorrow. Hopefully this will make me more confident in the long run, I want to start writing in French, really writing. Writing like this.

Thankfully the negatives I’ve heard and experienced about Angers haven’t clouded the positivity I have for the potential that this journey has. It has the potential to be the best experience I’ve had yet, I won’t let anything alter of that mentality. Onwards and upwards, got that Friday feeling!

Hope y’all have a nice weekend,
Flynn! x

 

* Home,to me, isn’t a place. It’s a feeling. A vibe. Home is feeling like you can be yourself and flourish, as yourself. In that sense I have a lot of places I call home… Maybe Angers will become one too. 

Perfect Timing. Stress. 

FlynnLeave a comment

So today’s the big day! 

Things you should do before hand to ensure a chilled and easy day:

  • Pack your case the day before – check. (Kind of.) 
  • Get a good night’s sleep – I haven’t slept a wink. 
  • Make sure all your most important items are packed away safely – At 2 o’clock this morning my laptop decided to die. 

The one thing that I needed above literally everything other than my passport has failed me. Why? I have literally no idea. For 18 months it has been running perfectly smooth. It has yet to hit that slowing down period. Full speed ahead. Unfortunately, however, the screen has decided it’s time for a change.  

We’ve gone from a nice standard, lacking blue light, background (download flux, it’ll save your eyesight.)

perfectly normal

To, well, whatever you call this monstrosity. I’m not quite sure what to title it. 

what the actual fuck .

At this precise moment, a dreary 5:18am, I’m absolutely dumbfounded. I’m at a complete loss for how this has happened at the least convenient moment. 

If it wasn’t 5 in the morning, and I wasn’t in my grandparents house, I would be screaming at the top of my lungs. I’m, just, ughhhhhh!!!!!

So far I’ve been awake for 19 hours, by the time I’ve got on my flight it’ll have been 33 hours. Best case scenario apple have magically managed to fix my laptop, or have given me another one. In which case I’ll be sleep deprived and grumpy. Worst case scenario I’ll have no functioning laptop, 33 hours without sleep and incredibly grouchy. Sorry Lizzie, I’m going to be a barrel of laughs to travel with today! 

The fact that I managed to only curse once whilst writing this is an absolute fucking..twice.. miracle. Now let’s pray for another one when I visit the apple store. 

Flynn! X


Prepare for take off.

FlynnLeave a comment

It’s nearly here. I feel like I’ve been waiting for a lifetime. Yet simultaneously, the past 6 months have absolutely flown by. As if in some kind of sci-fi space time continuum. Nonetheless,  in 2 days I’ll be setting off for a semester in France. I guess this is kind of going to be about how I’m feeling about the experience as a whole.

The Experience.

For me, this is the only preconceived notion I’m taking with me. It’s going to be an experience. I’ve heard mixed reviews about Angers, probably more bad than good. While I took it all on board, I don’t want to go with tinted glasses. I have no expectations. Some people take their tea without sugar, I prefer mine with 2. Everyone is different. So while I appreciate your perspective, I’m waiting to see what it has in store for me. Life is what you make of it, I’m determined to make the most of my time in Angers. Each experience can be a positive one, but it’s up to you to make it that way. I try not to get bogged down on the negative in my life, everything I’ve been through for better or worse has taught me something. So, how bad are negative experiences if you better yourself because of them? It’s all perspective.

perspective-hacks

Nerves?

I’d be a complete lier if I tried to play cool. Am I nervous? Absolutely. I’m not nervous for the travelling aspect of it. I’m very comfortable being away from home. Almost too comfortable. I’m scared for the linguistic element of my journey. My French is appalling. Truly, deeply, abysmal. I know I’m going to improve, I refuse to allow myself to spend the next 6 months speaking English. I guess it comes down to fear. Fear of immersion, fear of failure, fear of being laughed at. Speaking is a pretty big deal for me. I know that sounds dumb, but it is. I didn’t speak much as a kid, I spoke less as a teenager, but now I’m finally speaking up for myself. So to try and get to that stage with a language I’m in noway comfortable or confident in is going to be a challenge. I know I can do it. It’s just scary. I guess its’s comparable my distaste for water – the large bodies, not the drink. I’m not scared of a glass of water. When I took swimming lessons as a kid I had an irrational fear of jumping into the pool, I could swim perfectly fine, I’d jumped into the pool before, I knew I wouldn’t sink and drown. But for some reason I was always scared to throw myself into the water. The initial impact is the hardest thing to get over. I’m anxious for the first time someone spits rapid-fire French at me and I have absolutely no idea of what is going on. I’m nervous having to set up my classes. What if I’m sat being taught entirely in French and I have no idea what’s being said. If I learn nothing in the classroom, I’ll learn something about myself. How will I react in these situations? Not a clue. But it’s all part of the experience, and there’s something to be gained from that.

I guess my overriding feeling is one of openness. I’m open to the good and the bad that’ll inevitably come with it. Open to experience whatever comes across my path along the way. Someone once told me that everything can be fun if you put the effort into making it that way. Well, here goes nothing I guess!

Until next time,
Flynn! x