Coffeeshop Chronicles.

I put too much pressure on myself for this blog. For some reason everything I write on here has to be some long form ramble-y blog entry. It’s almost like the having the freedom of a blog with no cut off point is in itself restricting. Like I feel that I have to attempt in some way to fill a page that just keeps on extending. In reality I end up with paragraphs and paragraphs of waffle. I can feel myself doing it now.

I write often as it is. I carry a journal with me everywhere I go, I write mostly in coffeeshops. Even if I limit myself to one sheet of A5 a day. Open, empty your thoughts, move on. I don’t realise how useful I find it until I find myself unravelling having gone days without dumping my thoughts onto a page. It’s less that it improves my mental health, more that it sustains it. I rarely feel dramatically better for having written, but I feel exponentially worse when I don’t.

I’m going to challenge myself to write on here more often, even if sometimes it may just be a carbon copy of something I’ve wrote in my journal.

How am I feeling lately? Strangely, I don’t know? Not being fully aware of how I feel is honestly quite alien to me. I don’t love it. Am I happy? I’m not happy, but I’m also not NOT happy. Am I sad? Not really. I feel quite lonely, but in reality I’m no more alone than before. Tuesday I nearly cried on the train home from Nottingham. My tear ducts felt like the slightest little thing would lead them to burst. For the life of me I couldn’t tell you why. I felt empty, but at the same time my chest felt heavy, as if the slump in my posture was caused by a heavy heart and not years spent hunched over playing video games. What I do know for sure is that I’m definitely in a funk. I have no idea what’s caused it, and I also don’t know what’ll drag me out of it. I’m doing all of my usual strategies, writing, light yoga, getting outside, phone friends… Still in a funk, not entirely sure what’s going on with me. I’m sure I’ll snap out of whatever this is eventually. What’s the alternative? -Shrug emoji-

This blog doesn’t have to have a point, an overarching theme, an anything… It doesn’t need to anymore.

Big love,
Flynn.