Hey,
I haven’t written anything in like 2 months. It’s been real.
I haven’t written anything for a bunch of reasons. The first; I was waaaaay too busy. Essays upon essays, power points upon power points. Work, work, work, work. The second, rest. What followed those busy weeks of work, was a week of nothing but sleep and sunbath. What I wouldn’t give to have those days back. Next, Feria arrived! Sleep was replaced with partying… Sunbathing remained.
I had to leave Córdoba on 10 hours notice, my mum called me after a night at Feria. “Your Grandad is in hospital.” Taxi’s, trains, planes. Booked. Life; packed away into my suitcase. Go. Within a week of being home my Grandad passed away. I was devastated. I’m still dealing with it, so excuse my lack of any real eloquence.
But I don’t want to talk about that now, positive vibes. I’m honestly thrilled to be home, honestly. Honestly. How many times do I need to say honestly to make it sound believable? More? More. Okay you got me… I’m less than happy to be home. I had the best year of my life in Córdoba, honestly. No sarcasm in that use of honestly. Not an ounce.
I adored my time in Córdoba. I loved every little cobblestones street, every little crack and crevice. The oranges hanging off the trees, the blooming flowers in spring, the melding of centuries worth of cultures and religions. Everything about Córdoba. I loved my job, I loved teaching my students, I (mostly) loved the teachers I worked with. I loved the friends I made along the way, from every corner of the globe. I especially loved my flatmates. I have nothing but love for Sara & Matteo.
I couldn’t have dreamt of a better experience in Córdoba. I was, literally, living the dream.
There’s a common notion that when you return from travelling anywhere for an extended period of time you return a changed person. You’re intrinsically different from the person that left. Now I don’t know how much I agree I with that. The experience of travelling will of course change you. But I think the same is to be said of any experience. It’s not that fact that you left the country. It’s the fact that you exposed yourself to something new. Something you probably wouldn’t have, if you had the choice when you were in the comfort of your hometown. It’s the experience that matters, not the destination.
Yes, I’ve changed since going to Córdoba. Undoubtedly. But your home is your home. You can’t change that. Liverpool(Bebington) will forever be my home whether I like it or not. Like a tree, I will forever be rooted here. But with every new adventure, and every new destination. With every effort to branch out, and explore, I feel like I leave a part of me in each new home. So, in that sense the tree I left rooted here in Liverpool really isn’t the same as when I left. It’s more bare, there are pieces missing, marks etched into the bark that don’t quite make sense to everyone else. Hearts with names inside. Bits of string tied around the trunk. I return to a tree that’s more complete, but much less all together.
If anyone likes, or can even make sense of that piss poor analogy, I’ll be amazed.
But, here I am. Living the dream. Or the nightmare. I’m not sure. It’s something you do when you sleep anyway…
Being back home leaves me with this sense of longing… It’s almost a gauge of how far I’ve come, and how far I’m still yet to go. The goal marker has been pushed significantly further than it was the last time I was here. What I’m about to say isn’t meant in a negative way. Not at all. What people choose to do with there lives is 1000% up to them and nothing I or anyone else says should have any baring on what they should do. But that being said, I left Liverpool in January 2016. Since then I’ve probably spent a little over a month in the country. Now I’m back. To see people doing the exact same things they were doing when I left. Same job, same mates, same hobbies, and most worryingly the same mindset. Which is cool, if that’s what you want, you do you. But it’s not what I want. Being surrounded by that makes me feel uncomfortable, it puts me on edge. Stagnation makes me uncomfortable. You’re running on a treadmill whilst looking at the track… Get on the track!
I don’t believe in much. But I do believe in energy. I believe that you get back whatever you put in. If you work hard, you’ll get a better grade. If you try, you’ll improve. If you put out positive energy, it’ll be reciprocated. But most importantly, the universe conspires with you, not against you. If you truly want something, and you put all your efforts into achieving it, you’ll get it. The world isn’t against you as it may seem. Positive vibes, positive energy, all that hippy bullyshit is legit… You just have to look past the moonshaped glasses and flares.
The point I’m trying to get at, in a long winded sort of way, is this; I’m home. I’m not necessarily happy. But I am positive. Follow the Omens, they’re everywhere. You hold the answers. Happiness is in your hands. Create it.
Flynn!
X
(Totally going to reread The Alchemist – again.)
Let's go on an adventure. 